I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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