sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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