I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
