dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
