Cold hands, warm shart.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
