Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
