booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
