where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
