I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
