Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize