It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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