i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
