My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
