Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
