I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
