Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she looked like the before picture.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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