Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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