Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
