I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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