I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize