This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
