well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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