Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
