help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
