Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
