Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
