this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize