2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
