i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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