just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
