His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize