You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
