Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
