Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
