yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All the doctor said was why
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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