dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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