I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
