everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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