Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize