he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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