smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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