she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
