But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
