my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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