my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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