She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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