quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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