You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
