So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
