you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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