Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
