I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
