I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize