A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
