oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is wine microwaveable?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
