It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
