at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
