Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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