there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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