alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
