Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
