it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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