Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
