First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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