So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
