you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize