i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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