I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
