No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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