Plan B is the new Plan A
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
send nudes
from the living room?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
