He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
