So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
