life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
