Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
