You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
