My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
