i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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