if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
