i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just cropdusted the office
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
