Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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