I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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