woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
