Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
