My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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