i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
