Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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