come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
