I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
