You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
