i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
