Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize