There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
