We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
