he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
