so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
