you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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