ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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