We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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