I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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