I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
