Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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