According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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