so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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