Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
