You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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