I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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