Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
