note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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