Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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