upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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