Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
