ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
