i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
