Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
