I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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