Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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