Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
