Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
