Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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