State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
