I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
