I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
