i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's just like the Real World with babies
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
